How I Got My Wild Back
I have always loved wild places and wild things. As a kid growing up in the PNW I collected rocks and shells, picked berries, hiked, and swam. I had a two fat pet frogs from Australia. I had FUN. I ate yummy food with abandon and slept soundly. I might not describe myself as a “wild child”, but I did enjoy a good sneak into the teacher’s lounge or covert nail polish sesh under my desk. (Remember that little cubby under those desks in elementary school?).
As I got older, I became increasingly rigid. I wanted to be liked. I wanted to be seen as “good” at school and at home. For me this manifested as an obsession with perfect grades, the fastest mile, and the thinnest body. I became an achiever hell bent on measuring up based on metrics wholly outside of myself. This attachment to external “success” followed me into college and began to weigh heavily as I tried again and again to find a “good job” that didn’t have me counting down the minutes until I could sprint for the door.
Thanks to an incredible partner, beautiful friendships, mentors, teachers, and multiple therapists I’ve found a way to shed that rigidity and slowly reconnect to a wilder and freer version of myself. There are no longer foods I can’t have, exercise I must do, or a job that I hate. Don’t get me wrong, I still live in a world rife with responsibilities and constraints (child, pandemic, and self-employment to name a few), but I am living life on my terms to an extent I never thought possible. And I’m just getting started.
Another major catalyst for this return to my wild has been the realization that this need to control and conform doesn’t just hurt me, it also perpetuates harm to others. My obsession with perfection directly and indirectly hurts people I love well as marginalized people everywhere. Diet culture, the patriarchy, and white supremacy all thrive when we feel compelled to “fit the mold”. The shame that we carry when we don’t fit in is a powerful and brilliant tool of oppression. I for one do not want to be a part of that and I’m guessing you don’t either when you really think about it. Let is fuel your quiet resistance like it has mine.
Today I can say it feels DAMN good to be getting back to my wild. Funky earrings on, bra off, a tin full of tasty chocolate on my shelf. I also recognize that it will be my life’s work to keep listening to my own inner wisdom and to fight the urge to just fucking give in and get skinny. Every. Single. Day. I do it for me, but I also do it for you. We’re going to need each other as we brave the wilderness of simply choosing to be ourselves. I want you to keep me honest and I’ll do my darn best to support you too - through this work and by simply walking the talk.
On a final note I want to share with you a little advice, a list of my teachers, and resources that have helped me along this journey of getting back to my wild. I know there are more out there. Please share your faves in the comments. Until next time…stay wild, keep going.
WHAT’S HELPED:
Find your people on purpose: Who you spend the majority of your time with matters. Actively seek out mentors, friendships, and communities that align with your values and embrace your wild self. It’s way easier to be yourself when you know you’re not alone.
Try therapy: Having a neutral third party to process your experiences and emotions with is invaluable. Don’t be afraid to shop around. It’s normal for it to take a couple tries to find the right fit.
Listen to wise teachers: Below is a list of teachers and authors that have inspired me on this journey back to my wild. I hope they help you too.
Brene Brown: Her podcast and books are powerful shame busters. I especially love Braving the Wilderness and The Gift of Imperfection.
Glennon Doyle: Her book Untamed is hilarious, full of authenticity, and insightful as hell. So is her Instagram.
Jacki Carr: Her group coaching program “The 12” has changed my life and my business for the better. She is all about embracing the weird and supporting women.
Monique Melton: She is a profound anti-racism and relationship coach. Her SHINE classes are amazing as are her long-form group sessions. She also has a podcast.
Sonya Renee Taylor: Her book The Body is Not an Apology will change the way you see your body and how that ripples into the world.
Marie Forleo: Her book Everything is Figuroutable is the ultimate pep talk. She is 100% herself and a badass business woman.
Gabby Bernstein: I love her books The Universe Has Your Back and Super Attractor.
Emily and Amelia Nagoski: These sisters wrote the book Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, which forever altered how I understand stress and what to do with it.
Tara Brach: She is an incredible meditation teacher. Her book Radical Acceptance is amazing for healing fear and shame and building loving relationships.
Christy Harrison: Her podcast “Food Psych” offers mind blowing insights on the B.S. that is diet culture and body shame. I still need to read her new book.
Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch: They wrote the book Intuitive Eating which has helped myself and so many others heal their relationship with food and body.
Nicole Byer: Comedian, Podcaster, Actress. Her podcast “Why Won’t You Date Me” is hilarious and at the same time offers powerful insights about relationships, racism, and fatphobia. I also want to ready he book