Interview with Jenn Mason: Sex Coach, Mama, and Owner of WinkWink

This month we’re talking with Jenn Mason, Sex Coach + Owner of WinkWink Boutique - an amazing, inclusive, not-creepy sex shop here in Bellingham, WA. I'm also thrilled to share that Jenn is going to be a guest speaker for the upcoming Wildish Mamas group coaching session starting in May! I truly believe that sex and sensuality essential components to living fully in our bodies and our power. I also know that sex can be a tricky subject for mamas who are feeling disconnected, burnt out, and just plain too busy to be bothered. That is why I am so grateful to be soaking up the wisdom of a fellow mother who has so much knowledge to drop on the subject.

Below is my interview with Jenn. I guarantee you will walk away from this read feeling empowered and inspired to reconnect with your sensual side in all of the ways. Also… a hell of a lot less alone.

Question:
Tell us about yourself and your journey to becoming a sex coach and owner of WinkWink, Bellingham’s own inclusive, not creepy sex shop?

Answer:
For about 10 years, I worked at an organization helping survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault. I did a lot of education with young people about consent and healthy relationships. I left the organization after I had my daughter but knew I wanted to come back to the work in some way. During that time, I really began to see that while conversations were growing about what we don't want, it was still really taboo to talk about what we DO want. I think that reducing shame, stigma, and silence around sexual pleasure is part of eradicating violence and having more healthy, satisfied, powerful lives. In 2018, I opened the store and education space. While we were answering lots of questions in the shop, I recognized that some of our customers wanted more support. I completed my sex coaching certification during the pandemic and now offer private coaching services where I talk with folks and help move them toward their sex and intimacy goals.

Question:
How has your relationship to sex evolved since becoming a parent?

Answer:
Like so many other parents, sex has changed since having our 7-year-old daughter. It can be hard to find time to connect and when we DO have time to connect, we might not be feeling sexy. I also had a very traumatic birth, so my relationship with my body changed in other ways too. Over time, we've shifted our focus from sex to connection, and try to prioritize touch of all kinds when we have space for it. We've also tried to find ways to have sexy play when one person is into it and the other isn't as much. Let's just say that being an audience member to your partner's pleasure is a nice way to participate. :)

Question:
What is your advice for new moms or moms-to-be about pregnant and postpartum sex? What can they do to prepare themselves physically, mentally, and emotionally?

Answer:
So much changes in such a short period of time: go easy on yourself. I know some moms feel pressure to have sex at the 6-week mark (or whenever your doctor has said it's "safe"). These timelines are largely arbitrary and don't mean you have to be ready for sex then–even if your partner is. Take things as slowly as you need to and focus on touch that feels good, rather than checking a box. Know that what you like sexually may change: it may take more or less time to get "in the mood", you might like new sensations, or find other ones just don't do it for you anymore. Keep exploring through these changes. And know that like all of parenting, everyone's experience is different: do what feels right for you.

Question:
For a lot of mamas sex can become a source of stress and pressure when trying to conceive. How can we keep sex pleasurable and connected in the midst of a fertility journey?

Answer:
Trying to conceive can be so stressful, especially if you've experienced fertility issues, miscarriages, and other struggles. While conception may be the the ultimate goal, remember to prioritize pleasure in your sex. Don't forgo non-penetrative fun and consider using lube, vibrators, or other toys that heighten sensation. If you're fertility tracking, make sure you're touching each other outside of your fertility window too. Stress can put the brakes on our libido and the silence around fertility struggles can make the journey especially lonely. Talk to your partner about your feelings and find outlets outside of your relationship that help you feel supported.

Question:
How can overwhelmed, stressed out parents reconnect sexually after a dry spell or during a stagnant period of their sex life?

Answer:
Dry spells and stagnant periods are common–don't take this as a sign that your relationship is doomed. They can make us feel guilty, unattractive, or otherwise vulnerable, so we avoid talking about it. Instead, communicate with your partner and listen to each other's needs and feelings. Having intimate conversations, sitting close on the couch, exchanging back rubs, and giving long hugs can help rebuild touch and intimacy. Also try to expand your definition of "sex": focus on giving and receiving touch that feels good, rather than meeting a pre-determined goal.

Question:
What are some fun, easy ways for single and partnered mamas to spice up their sex life?

Answer:
Go into sex with a novelty mindset! We often get stuck in doing what we know (or think) works and stop trying new things. Lubricants and warming gels can offer new, slippery sensations. Vibrators can be fun for anyone, partnered or not. Try using a simple bullet vibe on clitorises, nipples, penises, testicles, and anywhere else. Blindfolding yourself or your partner is also really fun, easy, and surprisingly erotic. Try it with or without wrist sashes or handcuffs!

Question:
Do you have any rituals or practices that you recommend to stay connected with your sensuality?

Answer:
Self-sensuality. The most important intimate relationship we have is the one with our own body. Get to know what you like and how to give yourself pleasure. When you have a baby, it can feel like your body is everyone else's and not your own. Make space to feel ownership over your own body. Having explored on your own can also help you to understand its changes and better articulate those when you're having partnered play.

Question:
What would you say to a mama who feels like they just don't have time or energy for sex or are just plain touched out?

Answer:
Being touched out is so real! It's also hard to feel like you're just constantly accommodating someone else's needs. Be kind to yourself in these moments. Pressure and obligation kill intimacy, so don't force yourself to go along with things when you're not into it. Instead, try to focus on connection, non-sexual touch, and knowing that you don't have to go "all the way" every time for it to be fun.

Question:
What are your favorite sex toys, lubes, or other fun products to recommend lately?

Answer:
Uberlube is an incredible silicone lube that is super smooth, velvety, and lasts a long time.I also love the We-Vibe Wand! It's great for solo and partner play. Sometimes people feel like its larger size isn't good for partner use, but larger wands mean your partner can easily use them on you and is guaranteed to hit all the right places. It also comes with fun accessories, so folks with penises can have a good time with it as well!

Question:
Is there anything else you want moms and moms-to-be to know about you, your work, or sex?

Answer:
Because we don't often talk openly about sex, a lot of folks don't know that it's normal for everyone's bodies and preferences to change over time. There's not one right way to experience your sexuality. If you ever have questions, please reach out to me or our shop. We're never judgmental and always here to help!